I've Won the Award

You know how when you were young (or for me, still today) it was difficult to sleep on Christmas Eve night? Well, that was me yesterday morning. I woke up randomly at 3am, unable to fall back asleep for a while because I was so excited and anxious for what the day held. I could hardly wait. I got out of bed around 5:40am, put on some comfy clothes, brushed my teeth and hair, and slid on my slippers. I was ready!

The night before, Tuesday, Coulton gave me a Priesthood blessing. He blessed that I would have comfort and peace, that the doctors would be guided by the Lord's hand, and that I would receive the desires of my heart. It was so beautiful. I am so grateful for such a wonderful husband, one who has stood beside me through all of this. 

We walked, hand-in-hand, through the emergency room doors, and a kind lady who had been working all night, admitted us. She walked us through the same doors I walked through the previous day when I got lab work done in preparation for the surgery. She led me to the room where I would be staying before and after the surgery. The nurse came in, gave me a gown and had me sign some paperwork. I changed into the gown, then lied down on the bed. As she proceeded to put the painful IV in my hand, the anesthesiologist came in, asked me a bunch of questions and had me sign more paperwork. Yay, I was so excited! He then told me they had to put a breathing tube in me, that made me nervous, but he assured me I would remember nothing. 

The nurse then put compressors on my legs, making it so blood clots didn't form. She then told us that at 7am, they would be ready to roll me out. She then left us alone for a few minutes. So much was racing through my mind. In all the excitement, I was nervous that the doctors would get in there and notice that everything looked good, and could see no problems. That kind of news would leave me hanging and confused, not sure what to do next. But I trusted. 

7am, the nurse came in and had three different sedative medicines in her hand. She told me that they wouldn't knock me out completely, but they would make me feel a bit out of it. She injected them into my IV and little stars started forming around my eyes. She then rolled me out as I said I love you to Coulton. As I was rolled into the operating room, I remember a lot of people and two large lights above me. Then I saw my doctor. He was standing right over me, and I was thrilled to see him. He proceeded to explain to me for the 5th time what he was going to do. They then put the anesthesia over my mouth and nose, and the thing was squishing my right eye. I was about to ask them to fix it, but when I was about to say something, I was all of the sudden in the recovery room. 

My doctor came up to me and the first thing he said was, "You win the award!" I smiled and thought to myself, Oh, because I was such a good patient. But I was wrong. I asked, "What for?" He then said, "Doctor Lovell (the doctor who helped with the surgery) has been doing this procedure for over 30 years and he has never seen such a large septum in a uterus." So they found something!!! I thought. Even though I was still out of it, I was excited. 

Everything they had planned on doing in the surgery, they did. We all thought I had endometriosis, but there was no way for them to know if I did unless we did surgery. Sure enough, I did. They cauterzied my endometriosis, getting rid of about 95% of it, I think I remember him saying. He said that my endometirosis was a level 2 out of 4. 

We also knew that I had a bicornuate uterus, or heart shaped uterus. They weren't sure if they were going to be able to fix this, not knowing how bad it was or if it was going to be possible to remove. Referring to what Dr. Lovell said, it was the largest he's ever seen and they were able to remove and shave it all away! The heart shaped uterus can cause infertility and miscarriages. There is basically a wall separating the uterus. Most of the time, the fertilized egg will implant on this wall. There is little nutrients and blood flow in this wall, making a very unfriendly place for the baby to grow. The egg will then die and slough off. My doctor said that this could have been happening to me. I could have had multiple fertilized eggs implanting on this septum wall, but they all died off, just coming out in my period. If this was happening, the zygote would have never lived long enough for me to know that I was pregnant. 

All of our hopes and prayers had been answered! I was so relieved to know that they found issues and were able to take care of them.

My husband has been my angel through this all. He sat at my side all day yesterday, except for when he went to get breakfast at 2 in the afternoon. Poor guy. He has been so concerned for me and so helpful. He is so willing to do anything and get anything for me. I have learned so much about him and about our marriage through these experiences. It has brought us so much closer together, and for that, I am eternally grateful. 

I am also grateful for doctors and technology and medicine. Without them, we may have never been able to figure these problems out.

And above all, I am grateful for my Heavenly Father. I know that without his help, support and love for me, my husband and I would have never had so many questions answered. He has been holding my hand through it all. I know that grief, sorrow and pain will give me experience to be able to be more like our Savior. He is my award. 



Therefore, how can you and I really expect to glide naively through life, as if to say, “Lord, give me experience, but not grief, not sorrow, not pain, not opposition, not betrayal, and certainly not to be forsaken. Keep from me, Lord, all those experiences which made Thee what Thou art! Then let me come and dwell with Thee and fully share Thy joy!” -Neal A. Maxwell

Three

This month marks 3 years- 3 years of growing, 3 years of crying, 3 years of laughing, 3 years of learning, 3 years of trying. It was during the October session of General Conference in 2011 that we both felt we should start expanding our family. I never thought the next 3 years would bring me down this road.

Coulton and I fasted a couple weeks ago to know what we should do- continue with the multiple medications or go into surgery. We both got a clear answer- surgery. So, I met with the doctor to let him know that surgery is the route we wanted to take. He said that surgery was definitely an option, but he insisted on doing more tests and trying different pills. He offered it almost as a sales pitch, one where I couldn’t argue or get out of. I left the office disappointed and upset- I didn’t want to do another year of tests or medication, especially when I knew what we should do. I felt lost. I felt frustrated. Tears streamed as I drove to work.

That afternoon, I called the nurse and said that I didn’t want to do any more medication; I want to do the surgery. She said, “Okay, let’s schedule it.” So, to make a long story short, I am getting surgery done next week. I am beyond excited. Even though there are multiple things wrong and I feel my body is broken, I am so grateful that this might give us some answers, grateful for technology and doctors, and fasting.

President Thomas S. Monson said, “Our mortal life…was never meant to be easy or consistently pleasant. Our Heavenly Father, who gives us so much to delight in, also knows that we learn and grow and become refined through hard challenges, heartbreaking sorrows and difficult choices.”

In the Church News for the week of September 28, 2014 under the “Church News Viewpoint” article Why is There Suffering? it states “empathizing with others meets its highest elevation when the comforter knows exactly what the sufferer is going through. In this way we also become like Christ.” I hope, that by some small mean, I can become more like Christ in being able to comfort a sufferer because of my suffering.

Here’s to the next 3 years; I believe in Christ, so come what may.